I had loved flying, the Air Force, writing and family life more than breathing, until Michelle and Laura, then - babies. I hugged them, kissed them played with them, I felt alot like the lead singer in Carousel - " A boy named Bill."
What if is a girl?
I did everything, anything to keep food on the table, roofs over their heads during a run of bad economic times. I did things I never thought I would ever do - and I didn't care. It was all about those two girls.
Then, came the alcohol, and my wife didn't do so well, the marriage fell apart, and the girls went south, and next thing I know, I was the caricature in the joke " it's difficult to remember to drain the swamp when your up to your hips in alligators."
Divorce - from all three, and a separation that lasts for a quarter of a century. Mind, body, spirit all in total denial.
But I think of them and hopes that they do not sit and stew, and remember the love that still sits in my heart, and the smiles at them. I remember the hugs I gave them, and the times I came home from work when they yelled " Daddy's HOME, Yeah!!!" Every time I see a commercial on TV of a young father carrying his little girl fast asleep on his shoulder, I cry a little and remember. It was like that a lot. They loved me then. They trusted me then.
And I love them now. Happy Fathers Day .......to me.
###
